I hope by the time this gets published, I will already be in a full time job. Full time jobs are also known as “proper jobs,” and yes, they are something I have riled against in my previous writings. Unfortunately, tax season is upon us and I am about to hemorrhage money. Not only that, but my medical insurance is also due around the same time as my taxes.
I assume that doing taxes is very difficult, and my TurboTax is inherently complicated and isn’t doing what I’ve told it to. Whatever, I’m fucked. I’m going to have to pay a qualified adult to do my taxes, which I’m really not happy about.
Taxes and insurance used to be the only two reasons I thought I would ever want a full time job. That was until two months ago, when I realized that I’m stagnating in my work. My days are filled with other people’s deadlines, moderate pay, and expenses galore. Being freelance might be a great idea for most, but for me it has become a curse. No, I am not overreacting. I seriously need a full time job, and here is why you should hire me:
I have three niche abilities. I can write about any subject, even the weirdest and most wonderful. I can turn complex scientific theory and practice into easily understandable data and information. I can sell water to fish. These three things can be combined, used as a duo, or singled out for their practice.
Having a niche ability is both a gift and a curse. On the one hand, you’re an individualistic employee. You’re hired for your one talent, and for that talent to be executed for commercial value. If you keep being good and continue to evolve, you’ll never want for another job again. On the other hand, if you can’t adapt to office or corporate life, then there will never be a place for you.
Being part of a full-time career-orientated organization means playing well with others. It also means you have to be in a constant state of evolution, while also being okay with handling set backs, criticism, and the potential for slow job growth. I think this is why so many Millennials don’t get a job and move out of their home. We were all told how amazing we were, and how we could achieve anything. Most parents forgot to add the work part, and how fucking slow it can be to build a career.
Luckily, this works out great for me! With all of my potential competitors whinging over how shitty and slow their jobs are, and how they just want to do nothing but quit, I am sitting there silently in the background. I have already accepted that the likelihood of me working my way up in a company may take years, even decades. Patience is a friend of mine, and I want to introduce it to me in a full time position at a top tier company. I’m happy to climb the career ladder forever, so long as I never hit a glass ceiling.
I’m a fan of the show Silicon Valley. Other than the superb swearing, and the fact that my turn on is complex intelligence (I’m not even lying, I get excited playing a good game of chess with an interesting man) Silicon Valley depicts one of my ultimate career goals: a thriving, diverse, competitive work environment. A work environment where everyone is vying for the other to fail, while depending on intellectual property that may not manifest itself successfully. I’m getting chills just thinking about it. What could possibly be more satisfying than working toward a difficult end goal? That’s right, nothing.
Now that I’ve finished my own glorified rant about how wonderful I am, this final part is just for you my beautiful reader. Why do you want a full time job? Most of you will go back to the beginning of this article and cite taxes and insurance, like I did, as the only two reasons you might want a full time job. But is it right for you, like it is for me?
I want a full time job because I know it will be a solid career move. I am a dedicated employee, and I am great at what I do. However, I know that I still have a lot of growing up to do, and I want to do that in a company or organization that will foster that growth. I’m not going to take a job just because it’ll make my life easier between January and April every year, but that is a big factor in my life choices.
Now, it’s time for you to decide what your life choices are when it comes to your career. If you’re bored, miserable, Underemployed, undervalued, and stagnated in your full time job, then maybe you try out being freelance for a while. It’s a lot easier than it sounds, and the worst case scenario is that you go back to a full time job. It’s either / or, not both. Sure, I will continue writing my column and completing PhDs in my free time, but only because I enjoy it. If I didn’t, then I wouldn’t.
You spend two thousand hours a year at work. Pick your preferred method and run with it.
Kay Smythe, The British Bitch in America.
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