Just because you’re Underemployed doesn’t mean the rest of your life has to be as miserable as your job. As a huge advocate for happiness, I strongly suggest you take the time to consider your living environment. Depression has a habit of manifesting itself in one’s physical life, as well as in one’s internal monologue. An easy way of boosting your self-esteem is to give yourself something positive to go home to.
This might sound ridiculous, but trust me, it isn’t.
When I was younger, I had a job at an opticians. To this date, it’s still the best work environment I ever had the fortune of experiencing. Every day came a new form of mayhem, and I learned almost every swear word, sickening joke, and revolting ways in which humanity can make those of us in the service industry a little bit more miserable.
All of the women I worked with were wonderful. We were a staff made up almost exclusively of blondes. Even if you go and visit that very opticians today, you’ll notice everyone there (bar the actual opticians) is blonde.
“One of my recent regrets involves a bedside cabinet placed outside my neighbor’s house. Why oh why oh why did I not call a cab and drag that thing home with me? I’m a fool, that’s why.”
In our position, which was front-of-house, us blondies were presented with the worst and weirdest of humanity. None of us were thrilled with this element of the job, but the pay and perks were adequate, so we stuck it out. The one thing I noticed about all my coworkers was that when shit got really terrible, they would all say, “I can’t wait until 5 o’clock when I can go home and…”
“Have a dip in the jacuzzi…”
“Sit down on the big sofa and watch some TV…”
“Have a cuddle with the cats/dogs/pigs/husbands…”
All of these women had something in their lives, usually located in their homes, that made going home the best part of their day. So, why haven’t you done the same?
Most of us don’t have a large budget, and less and less of us have a joint income. Even the thought of redecorating can blow out one’s mind due to the costs usually associated with redecorating. However, there are ways to redecorate without having to scrimp and save. Coming home should be the highlight of your underemployed day, so make it that way!
Free Doesn’t Mean It’s Shit
I recently received a phone call from a woman in Venice. It was in regards to a posting I made on the Nextdoor app. This app is designed to get neighbors chatting about the happenings in their home. I had posted on it asking for my neighbors to offer up old shit they had that they were going to donate/leave outside on the street.
The woman on the phone told me she had a wealth of items she was just going to get rid of, and that I should come and have a look before she put it all online. When I told a handful of friends I intended to go and see her place, I was met with hesitant looks, and the voicing of concern. Why don’t I just pay money and get something new?
Well, because I don’t need anything new, and older stuff is usually better because it’ll last. Think about it: you could buy a table from Ikea for $200. It will take a while to arrive, and then you have to assemble it. Some of the parts might be missing, or even worse, there could be some bits that are already broken. The table may last for a year, but eventually it’ll give and break, and then you’re back to square one.
Instead of this, you could go and visit a person that contacted you online. You can view the table in person, and have it assembled then and there. If it’s an older table, you know it’s probably in great condition because it’s still standing after all of this time. Why buy something new when you could get something better, which might be a little older, but is free?
Swap & Trade
I have more clothes than any woman should ever require. I obviously need more, because that’s just basic human science. However, I’m always willing to part with items in exchange for other items. That is the joy of the swap.
I have a gift with words. Give me any subject, and I will find the words to go along with it. However, I can be a bit of a prostitute with this ability. If you have a futon, a duvet set, knives, forks, spoons, a salad bowl, basically anything that I want, I will write you something in exchange (under 1000 words). If you have a gift, then use it as a trade. You’ll be amazed how many people will appreciate an equitable swap.
The same goes for household tasks. Maybe you always wanted to do an art wall, or install one of those home entertainment systems. Whatever you want, you’ll be able to find someone who can figure it out with you. Me? Well in my future dream house, I want a kitchen island where I can sit and do work. I also want a hot tub that looks out over the glittering lights of wherever I may end up living. You can be damn sure this body frame ain’t installing a hot tub all by oneself. I’d work my fingers to the bone, typing away, for the folks that help me with that hot tub.
Cruise The Hood
If you’ve exhausted all of your options, then sometimes all you have to do is spend a day cycling or driving around your neighborhood looking for items. I’ve gotten some of my best pieces from the curb. It’s amazing what people think is junk.
One of my recent regrets involves a bedside cabinet placed outside my neighbor’s house. Why oh why oh why did I not call a cab and drag that thing home with me? I’m a fool, that’s why. Right now, in the process of decorating my new apartment, I’m using an old crate as a bedside table. It’s plastic and black, and was probably featured on that show Flaked, because I may or may not have freed it from the dumpsters near Gjelina Take Away in Venice. You can’t prove anything though.
When I finally do get a proper bedside table, I’m not going to get rid of my crate. I love my crate. It’ll be used as a lampshade, a footstool, something it wasn’t designed for, and I’ll call it art. Then everyone will want a crate like mine.
What I’m trying to say is, redecorating is easy when you know how to do it without money. Either that, or get yourself a piggy bank. Request cash back at every transaction, and put the cash into the piggy bank. Do this every time you buy something with a card for a whole year, and then TREAT YO SELF. Trust me, it works.
Kay Smythe, The British Bitch in America.
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