1. Most of the time we think you’re a prick
Sorry, but this is true. My last three office jobs were with male bosses. You are a boss, and you should treat all female employees like your daughters. When we start in your company, we are there to grow. Don’t patronize us, because we’ll get pissed off. Show us the same respect you would your own child. That means no comments about clothing, no pointing out that our dresses might be a particular length, and definitely no comments on make up. Comments like this do not make us feel empowered, they make us think you’re a prick. Tell me my work is great, not my dress. Congratulate me on the project I just managed, not that my legs are looking skinny today. That’s none of your fucking business.
2. We have noticed your boys club
You can be all buddy-buddy with the lads in the office, but don’t do it in front of us. The last time this happened, my manager was standing in my office attempting to rip me apart as if I were one of the lads. It backfired because he was standing over me with five other men behind him, who he was friends with outside of work. They made fun of me, my clothes, my attitude, even my hair. I mean, what the fuck? I don’t want to be in your fucking boys club, because I honestly think you’re all philistines, but I wouldn’t mind having a laugh with you. I just don’t understand how it’s funny when you’re all attacking one person. You don’t do that within your boys club. You all laugh at each other, but now you’re all laughing at me, and that sucks. I shouldn’t have to deal with this as an adult manager in a professional setting. Go the fuck away and circle jerk in your boys club in private.
3. Our personal lives are not your business
Yes, I’m dating the guy who owns that club you like to go to. No, I cannot get you free entry, because he’s not my boyfriend. This was my biggest pet peeve for the longest time. I don’t like spending time with you in work, so why would I make it easier for us to spend time out of work? You’re a BOSS. If you can’t afford to pay your own cover then you should seriously reconsider if you’re in the right position at this company.
However, this isn’t limited to the perks that may come with employees. One of the worst things is when you pull us into your office to talk. Whether its about money problems, to ask why it looks like we’ve been crying this morning, or whether I’m “really integrating myself into the corporation,” because I never stay late with the team. None of these are your business, and I don’t stay late because you don’t pay me to! I’ve even had managers ask for a private meeting to see if I’m able to get them some recreational drugs for the weekend. I wouldn’t know where to buy recreational drugs for myself, let alone you!
4. It is very easy to be patronizing, so make yourself aware of it
“I know about business the same way you know about modeling.” This is a direct quote from my last boss. He decided to ignore the ten years experience in published journalistic and academic writing I have; starting when I was twelve-years-old. There is not even a thought of the undergraduate degree I completed in three years, including a thesis. Christ, he could have mentioned the five years experience I have as a dispensing optician, or the fact I’ve traveled the world. No, he looked at me and thought “Kay knows how to be a model.” Anyone can be a model! It’s an industry designed for pretty people who can’t do anything else. My boss thought of me and only thought of that. Sure, I could sit here and think “Oh that’s nice. He thinks I’m pretty.” I would like to direct your attention to point #1. Fuck you.
5. Only cheap slags will want to sleep with you
Sure, some bosses are gorgeous. Yes, an easy way to get ahead in business is to sleep your way to the top. However, most women don’t do this. No, not all male bosses are Roger Ailes, but a lot are. It took moving from the United Kingdom to Los Angeles for me to realize this is far more prevalent with American employers. Luckily I’m self-employed now so I only have to sleep with myself to get ahead.
Most male bosses don’t realize that the women who are willing to sleep with them to get ahead don’t garner much respect from their peers. These are also the sorts of women that have little respect for their careers. Their work usually becomes sluggish, and their attitude in the job will definitely change. Most women that fuck their bosses were never interested in their job in the first place. They are also doing it because they either a) have daddy issues, b) are into control, or c) are completely fucking batshit mental, and will run you over with their car if you dump them.
Kay Smythe, The British Bitch in America.
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