To:craigslist 5004889444 <firstname.lastname@example.org>
I have a long and successful history working with top managers and making their days easier as their aide. However, I drink a lot of coffee, and that has resulted in some horrible putrid gas emanating from me. I can usually hold it in for an hour or two until I hit the john. However, sometimes a little squeaker makes it out. I have to be honest, those little squeakers really pack a punch. It’s probably because they’ve been brewing in my belly for a while, but whatever the reason, you’ll want to stay far away from me for about five minutes. I have references too. For the job, not for my awful gas. So, please let me know what you need to get the ball rolling.