
Image by Kamoteus (A New Beginning) (License CC BY-SA 2.0)
Is Donald Trump really a salesman if all of his businesses result in failure, and legal action against him and his patronage took down Atlantic City?
Is he really president if he and his party have accomplished almost nothing half a year in because he genuinely believes policy on the international and military stage is crafted and implemented in 140 characters or less?
I mean, I can say I’m a fucking jalapeno pepper, but am I? Do I perform the functions of a jalapeno pepper? Am I good in salsas? If you fry me and stuff me with cream cheese will I suddenly be a bar food staple?
What Donald Trump did to Atlantic City, he would probably do to this country if left unchecked. Of course, it is way more complex to tank the entire US economy than 15 shitty casinos on a medical waste soaked beach, and I’m not saying he’s gonna manage it all alone, but I genuinely do believe that Donald Trump is probably the single greatest threat to the US economy in our history.
While he rails against trans people in the military and sick people for being such a drain on America’s wallet, he is poised to wreck us from the inside out by being generally ignorant, offensive, and wholly detached from reality.
As a jalapeno pepper, I have an excellent grasp on reality.
“Mexico will definitely not be the first to try and jump off of the SS United States before it fucking sinks into the quickly rising ocean.”
I’m gonna tell you some shit you already know that it seems Trump doesn’t. And it’s that your connections are everything. Who knows you, who likes you, who respects you, who feels they owe you, who will help you out, and who wants your respect is everything. It defines you. Being able to effectively network is almost the only skill that matters in the modern world.
If you can interact with other people constructively, collaborate, and appropriately leverage your relationships in life you can do whatever the fuck you want. And you can do it faster than Trump can swollenly tweet “cofveve” in his bed in the middle of the night with one tiny hand wrapped around his dusty chode.
Trump is burning bridges like a preteen boy in 1975 who got his hand on his dad’s box of matches.
I’m guessing that’s what kids did before iPads, right? Arson?
#MakeAmericaGreatAgain
I want to take a minute to highlight one expensive bridge Trump has taken a fucking blowtorch to. This is by no means all of them, or maybe even the most severe, but it does set an interesting precedent. Turns out that if you are untrustworthy, unhinged, and blatantly an idiot, people don’t want to do business with you. Mexico will definitely not be the first to try and jump off of the SS United States before it fucking sinks into the quickly rising ocean.
Turns out Mexico wasn’t too thrilled with Trump declaring them a country of rapists. We all know that.
But what a lot of us don’t know is that Mexico buys mad corn from our country every year. In fact, it’s our top agricultural export to them. There’s a whole portion of the Midwest called The Corn Belt, where the same farmers that voted for Trump because brown people make them nervous have made a chunk of their living selling corn to Mexico for generations.
Let’s be real: complex interwoven international economic precedents don’t just dissipate instantly over a few shitty remarks. On top of this, Trump’s wild claims to overturn complex trade agreements he clearly does not understand, at the drop of a hat, have made Mexico nervous enough to start looking into buying corn from other countries and growing their own, rather than buying it from us.
One Mexican senator even introduced a bill to try and completely eliminate his country’s purchase of American corn over the next few years.
That’s probably not gonna happen, but the fact that our president is such a fuck up on the world stage that countries are already trying to figure out how not to do business with us should be enough to make some people wonder what the fuck they’ve done.
I’m not even mad on my behalf. I’m writing this at 1 pm, naked in my bed in my crumbling row home in a major city, with a glass of red wine in one hand. It affects me 0% if Mexico doesn’t want to buy Slim Jim Jones’ family corn. In fact it benefits me, because I’ll get paid to write about how ironic it is and how smug I am.
Full disclosure, even if Mexico rejects our corn outright in the future, it is just an economic drop in the bucket if you only give a shit about numbers. In the grand scheme it’s not exactly the most harrowing eventual option in the kaleidoscopic mess of potential impending dystopian futures. However, it does not change the fact that a country wants to stop doing business with us because our President is a wreck.
Also, let’s forget about numbers for a second.
Actual hard working Americans are potentially having their livelihoods threatened by this shit. Like real people.
Trump is well on his way to ruining our country’s relationship with every other country on earth. Before he was even president, news sites were churning out lists of all of the other countries he’d offended.
My personal favorite Trump fuck up was him supposedly handing the Russians classified intelligence from Israel. My other favorite is him totally proving that he’s trying to make our government look like the Batman Rogue’s Gallery by bringing in Anthony “The Mooch” Scaramucci as communications director. Or maybe Putin having his fist deeper inside him than a fucking sock puppet.
This shit is not sustainable.
It’s not good government.
It’s not good business.
It’s just not good.
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Isadora Teich is a freelance writer and traveler. They’ve written social media copy, tabloids, news, erotica, opinion pieces, quizzes, have worked on film scripts, and do some ghostwriting from time to time. Isadora lives for artistic experimentation and is working on a novel.
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