If you read the About Us section, I wrote there would be no lists on this site promising unrealistic goals. I’m breaking that promise. Why? Because it would be wrong of me to withhold this life changing information I unexpectedly found in my neighbor’s trash can. So without further ado, here they are, in order of how I made them up.
1. Plan a bank heist and follow through on it. This seems fun doesn’t it? The movies make it seem that way. I like movies. Do you? Good. Anyway, you’ll have a blast planning all the small details, and whether your heist goes good or bad, you win. Either you’ll make out like a bandit, which you now are (Congratulations, you’ve just added another job to your resume) or you’ll be caught, go to jail, and never have to worry about underemployment ever again.
2. Marry someone you really really hate. Even if you’ve got a degree in engineering, but are working as the bathroom attendant in a smoke filled casino, you’ll be in paradise. After all, anything’s better than being around your spouse. Your awful disgusting hateful spouse.
3. Start a blog. Write some content. Tweet about it, and boom, now you can tell people you’re a writer. The cash will come rolling in. It’s insane how easy it is!!!
4. Go out and be a terrible person to someone. And I’m not talking just a little terrible. Be sexist, racist, bullying, and as big an asshole as you can. Also, make sure it’s in public, and that someone is filming it. Then upload it. Your video will go viral. People love public spectacles. You’ll get some notoriety, but wait, you aren’t done yet. Now, do it again, but double down on everything that made the first video so objectionable to rational people. Upload that one. Now sit back, and wait for the media to come crawling to you. They will. Don’t worry. Then once you have several interviews lined up, defend yourself and claim you’re the victim. It doesn’t matter if you smacked the shit out of someone. That guy had it coming. Now sit back and relax. You’re about to become a media celebrity. Reality shows, sponsorship deals, and maybe even a run in politics are the payoffs for your hard work. By the way, Don’t ask me how this works. It just does. It’s been market tested, and never failed.
Now that I’ve given you the keys to success, get out there and create that life millions of alcohol ads have told you are at your fingertips. We’ll be rooting for you at The Underemployed Life.