We Hate You (and we aren’t afraid to show it)

Many businesses espouse a philosophy that supports a work life balance for their employees. In practice though, businesses are requesting more time and more production from their workers. This leaves workers with less personal time than ever. When it comes to life/work balance in America, most companies dump a stage three heater* on their employees.

* A stage three heater is what I call my cat’s litter box deposits.

Everyone wants to enjoy their time away from work. When you’re underemployed, leaving work for the day and not returning until your next shift is one of life’s great joys. People want to enjoy the free time they have before they have to focus their energy on the work they do. They also want adequate time between shifts. Many companies make that impossible.

The overriding corporate mission for too many companies is more profits, less humanity. I almost admire their vigilance in being so terrible to their workforce. You get the feeling some executives think a happy employee is a bad employee. The following dialogue has probably happened somewhere in an executive level boardroom at some point.

CEO: Why are so many people smiling around here? That’s not right. I don’t like it!  We have to turn this around immediately. I want frowns, tears, and barely contained rage just like over at Amazon.” Now that’s a company!!!

EXECUTIVE: I’ll get right on it boss.  

CEO: Great. Now give me a lapdance.

EXECUTIVE: Do you want me to take off my pants?

CEO: Surprise me.

 

A common type of corporate sponsored intrusion into work/life balance is the mandatory meeting. This is a meeting that has to be attended by everyone in every department of the company. They usually happen once a quarter. They’re pointless, but are a great opportunity to see lower management fall all over themselves to tongue bath the wrinkly balls of the company elders. Eww gross, right? I know. Yet, that’s what usually happens at these mandatory meetings so I kept it in this post for veracity’s sake.

In 2001, I worked for Verizon Wireless in their retail stores. Late in the year they implemented a weekly mandatory meeting. No matter what your scheduled time or days off, you had to be there….and early. Usually 7:00am on a weekend morning.

Think about that. The company you work for is asking you to come in early… even if it’s your day off….on a weekly basis. Is there a bigger middle finger they could give to their employees? Not that I can find, but that’s work/life balance to a corporation. Your work is your life. No balance necessary.

These weekly meetings rarely delivered any “need to know” information. The announcements were usually minor changes in procedure. Minor changes the staff could have been told about five minutes prior to any of their shifts.

I was an assistant manager at Verizon and ran these meetings at my store. They were mostly pointless and long. After a few weeks, most employees, especially those that had to come in on their days off, had had enough. However, any employees who didn’t show up were marked absent for the day. Even if it was their normal day off. Enough of those absences and boom, see ya pal. You’re fired. Thanks for playing. Employees who complained about the meetings were told. “It’s only a couple of hours buddy. What’s the big deal? And you’re getting paid, right? Aren’t we wonderful? Now give mommy a big hug.”

I had enough of the mandatory meetings by 2002. It lowered morale and the company was becoming more bullying in it’s policies. At 70 hours a week, I was overworked and burnt out. I needed a job with more time off even if it meant making less money. I went over to AT&T a few weeks after leaving Verizon, but only as a sales representative. They had no weekly meetings and reasonable scheduling for its sales reps.

That changed within a year when they hired the executive from Verizon who implemented the weekly mandatory meetings. I couldn’t believe my good luck. “Wow!!! So ya say the guy who’s guts I hated at Verizon is now working for my new company? Umm…O.K…. I’m going to go bang my head against the wall. I’ll be done in an hour or so.”

So, unsurprisingly, the executive genius from Verizon brought his philosophy of “We hate you, and we’re not afraid to show it” and went and ordered the same mandatory weekend meetings for AT&T retail sales employees where it still resides today. There was a collective “fuck us” among the sales force when the announcement came down.

AT&T also later implemented mandatory 7:00am hour “training sessions.”Sales reps had to attend these if they were low on impossible to hit sales targets. This led to nearly 50% of the retail sales workforce in San Diego spending 7:00am twice a week in mandatory meetings whether they were scheduled or not. Did this improve sales? No, but it did improve sales reps capacity for murderous rage and sleepiness by 72%. Record numbers!!!

I have to compliment the executive who came over from Verizon. He completely dismantled any good feelings employees had about their job. Plus he did it at two huge companies. I’m sure he got a raise for that accomplishment.

Though my story is specifically about working in retail, the corporate philosophy of “We hate you, and we’re not afraid to show it” is everywhere. It has infected every nook and cranny of this economy. Here’s what I desperately want to know. Whatever happened to I come in and work hard, I leave, and get to live my life? Apparently that isn’t good enough anymore. You have to leave a piece of yourself at all times with the company. You’re supposed to be enthusiastic at all times and “rah rah rah” the company. Those who don’t are put on notice. It doesn’t matter if you’re good at your job. They’ll still boot you to the curb and think nothing of it. I’ve seen it over and over.

I have a feeling it won’t be long before certain companies will implant a chip in their employees just to make sure they’re always talking about their products and services when the employee is away from the company. You may think I’m paranoid, but we can revisit this post a couple of years from now, and see if I was that far off the mark.

So when it comes right down to it do I really think companies are secretly plotting, trying to come up with newer and better ways to demoralize their staff? Why, yes. Yes I do. I suspect that many of you out there believe that as well.