There are two ideas floating around my head about success. They were both instilled from an early age.
- Men are expected to be successful. This means money, a fancy car, a big house, and a girlfriend or wife easily mistaken for a supermodel.
- In order to achieve that wealth, you need to be in a job that has you driving downtown, wearing a thousand-dollar suit, and taking an elevator to the top floor of a building. Once there, you’ll most likely spend the day on the phone, in front of a computer screen, and talk with similarly dressed professionals about how to get more money into your bank account.
…I didn’t say they were accurate conceptions, but outdated or not, they’ve influenced how I measure success in employment and my personal life. If you’ve read some of my other pieces in the Underemployed Life, you’re aware I haven’t followed the traditional career path. I’ve had several high-paying jobs, but many of them were so incredibly soul sucking I wasn’t tempted to stick around. These days I get by with a variety of writing and social media gigs, but I wouldn’t say I’m getting ahead by any means.
“Currently, my potential suitors tend to see a crazy guy just traveling for fun, living it up on a tropical island. In reality, I have no house to which to return, no car, no splurging on luxuries.”
When it comes to my life, professionally and personally, my definition of happiness has changed significantly over the years. I’m currently single. If I were to become involved in a relationship serious enough to lead to marriage, that person would be enough to satisfy me.
I don’t mean I’d give up my career (such as it is) and follow her like a doting puppy. I just wouldn’t really care about earning absurd amounts of money if she were a part of my life. I’d just be happy I had her in my life. Everything else would be secondary: work, health, possessions.
My most recent relationship is a prime example of what could have been. She was a flight attendant based in the Middle East. We’d been dating for a year and were starting to talk about the future. Naturally, she wanted to relocate to a better area, like Dubai.
I had absolutely nothing waiting for me in Dubai, but I didn’t care. She was enough, and I knew I’d be able to find a job, even if it wasn’t my first choice or even 22nd. She would be there, and we’d be together. Unfortunately, I think this put too much pressure on her; she was concerned I’d be giving up any opportunities I had in the U.S. and essentially moving only to be with her… which I was. I was willing to take the leap, but she thought I would come to resent her for it. For that reason, and more, we ended the relationship.
Earlier this year, I met a younger woman when I went on a spontaneous trip to New England. Although there was chemistry and the potential for more, we both agreed it would be better to see each other casually and infrequently. She relocated frequently for work, and I was… well, a traveler. My tendency to be overly affectionate scared her into thinking I was looking for something more. With proper communication, we fell into a comfortable habit of meeting every so often. Things with her are comfortable, but there’s no longer any desire for something long term from either of us.
She was drawn to my adventurous side, witnessing me gallivanting across the U.S. by train during the winter. While there’s nothing wrong with meeting people this way, I want to attract and keep someone as I am, not an inflated version of myself others see first. I’m a traveler, but I’m not a trust fund kid. I understand the value of hard work. I may be everywhere at once, but that doesn’t mean I don’t ultimately desire a little stability.
I’m following my dreams as best I can, and finding a practical way to live while achieving those dreams. This may mean years of hardship ahead, but having someone at my side, or seeing her waiting for me at the end of the tunnel would give me the drive to succeed.
Currently, my potential suitors tend to see a crazy guy just traveling for fun, living it up on a tropical island. In reality, I have no house to which to return, no car, no splurging on luxuries.
In my early 20s, as an expat in Japan, this didn’t bother me. In my late 20s, while living in New Zealand, I started to consider throwing in the towel. Now I’m in my early 30s and still don’t have the answer.
I don’t want to go through life alone, but I’m not willing to settle for someone if things are just comfortable. I’ve had relationships like that. I’ve had jobs like that. They weren’t fulfilling. I need the relationship to be full of passion and excitement; to test our boundaries when needed, yet find pleasure in just being with each other.
I don’t hold any illusions about soulmates or “the one,” but I’d like to believe there’s someone out there with whom I can connect with on multiple levels. To find the job we want, we simply search, but there is no seeking our best partner. We either find someone, keep moving from relationship to relationship, live out our lives alone, or simply settle (as many do). All I can do is put myself out in the world with a smile and hope she’ll cross my path one day.
Turner Wright is a freelance writer with an engineering background. He is originally from Texas, but usually finds himself in the Bay Area if not some random corner of Asia. He is currently the Digital Media Manager for Airbnbhell.com and TravelVisaPro.com. He enjoys running long distances, eating more than necessary to do said running, and traveling to other countries.
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