1. A Bluth Family Member
If I could be any Bluth family member, I would be Lucille. Why? Because she drinks vodka for breakfast… with a slice of toast. She is always on top when it comes to witty responses to her family and friends. If she were less racist she’d be perfect.
20th Century Fox Television
2. Being A Kardashian
Yeah, no. I have no idea what these guys do either. So Kim was in a sex tape with a professional athlete and now shes got shit loads of money? Okay. Cool. If I join the K. clan do I get powty lips and a huge arse upon sign-up or is that earned through years of terrible television? Either way, MONEY PLEASE!
Bunim/Murray Productions
3. Whatever it is Michael Scott does
Where to start..? Michael Scott is the best and worst boss in television history. More lovable than Brent, but more annoying than the subsequent managers at Dunder Mifflin; Scott perpetuates the high school approach to life. Who wouldn’t want to have an office and a conference room at your disposal for every little thought that enters your head?
Deedle-Dee Productions
4. Dr. House (brain included)
For all the basic common sense, geographical and sociological sciences, and lingustic techniques I have at my disposal, I would kill to be as bright as Dr. House. Sure, his patients nearly always ALMOST die. They don’t in the end (usually). That’s the main thing.
Heel & Toe Films
5. Real Housewife of Absolutely Anywhere
I like clothes. I like shoes. I like parties. I like the idea of fillers when my face starts to wrinkle. I like the thought of being married. I reeaaally like bitchy arguments that almost end in fist fights. I am basically made to be a Real Housewife.
Gotta lock down that man stupid enough to marry me first. HA!
6. Teaching at Hogwarts
This is an obvious one, right? I mean, who doesn’t want to be a wizard. If I’m being honest I’d probably be a member of Slytherin because I’m very vindictive and aggressive, but I think my heart would be in the right place. As a teacher, I’d like to teach something fun like flying. Forget Defense Against The Dark Arts… too much like hard work. Blergh.
7. A member of the 00 Program (James Bond)
HAVE YOU EVEN SEEN THE NEW BOND, THOUGH?! Fast cars and beautiful people and explosions and foreign travel and cool buttons that blow shit up and M being all badass. You get the picture. More than that, you’d get to legally kill bad guys.
8. Ray Donovan
Realistically this is probably the worst job on the list. In the most recent season, Ray has to go through some fairly horrible stuff. His family is a nightmare, but lovable. His clients are all shitheads. However, if you had his job without the baggage you’d think yourself pretty damn cool. Plus, who can argue with that baseball bat? Oh my goodness YES. Yum. So sexy.
Columbia Pictures
9. A member of President Bartlett’s Administration
BARTLETT FOR PRESIDENT 2016!!
This bit relates to the intelligence of Dr. House, but combines it with the gorgeousness of a true democratic system. Being a member of the Bartlett administration give you the class and poise to say stuff like this:
10. Ghostbuster
I used to look after the key for the staff toilets in a nightclub I worked at during my youth. That’s about as close as I got to being the Keymaster. Being a Ghostbuster would be my ideal job because it consists of cardio, money, and at the end you rid the world of scary stuff. I for one am very scared of ghosts.
Sony Pictures Studios
Kay Smythe, The British Bitch in America.
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